Real Work, not Busy Work

The big event at school this week was the School Sleepover. This annual event, organized by students, involves spending the night on campus while playing games, watching movies, and eating copious amounts of snacks. The lead-up to the day of the sleepover is a time of buzzing excitement and significant planning on the part of the student body. Blanket fort plans are drawn up, itineraries are drafted, discarded, and drafted again, and meal plans are prepped. Conversation about the sleepover is nearly constant. And it was during one such discussion that I noticed an interesting fact. 

Two students were sitting together on the couch, talking about a blanket fort they were going to build in one of the school’s rooms. What was remarkable was that, if asked, I would have described these two students as people who did not get along. They weren’t mortal enemies or anything so dramatic, simply two individuals who, on the regular, got on each other’s nerves. But here they were, planning a two-person fort that they would spend the night in, watching movies and playing video games. Of course, I didn’t interfere in any way or even comment on the situation, but simply went on with my day. 

Then the day of the sleepover arrived. Suitcases, sleeping bags, stuffed animals, and pillows arrived by the truckload, all piled into the school’s Coat Room for storage until the time of the event. At one point during the day, one of the two students I had overheard talking earlier in the week took me aside. “Do you know why I’m building a fort with so-and-so?” The student asked me. I indicated that I did not. “Because we haven’t been getting along lately,” they explained, “and we both decided that we really wanted to work on our friendship by building a fort together.” 

I’ll admit, I was floored. Even though I’ve been involved with Alpine Valley School for many years, and was even a student here myself, I sometimes forget how little marvels like this can unfold. I collected myself and said, “I think that’s very mature. I know a lot of adults that don’t even want to take the time to do that.” 

Beaming, the student went off back to their piles of fluffy bedding to begin working on the thorny friendship problems that nearly everyone experiences at some point in their life. But rather than be passive, or wounded, or righteously indignant, these two students were working on it. And even if they squabbled or disagreed throughout the night, they both came back together because they had set the intention that they were going to work on their friendship. And that’s exactly what they did. 

What’s so remarkable to me about this model of education is the responsibility it places on young people. There are those who think that children cannot handle the burden of resolving friendship problems, maintaining law and order in a community of equals, or even deciding for themselves how they want to spend their time every day. And yes, it is hard. Terribly hard, sometimes. But it is the work of life, the real work. There are no meaningless worksheets or mindless busywork to keep students from tackling these problems head-on. And tackle them they do. Often over and over and over again, until the right solution has been reached for all parties. No adult is going to swoop in and save them from these difficult interactions, and no one is going to tell them how they are supposed to go about it. They must figure life out for themselves. And doing that, for years and years, in an environment of freedom, respect, responsibility, and autonomy produces outstanding young adults, as evidenced by our amazing group of graduates. Being at Alpine Valley School can be hard work, but it is real work, the work we all must do to be effective, happy, self-actualized adults.